Rob shares some personal reflections on the passing of a friend
When a coaching approach guides a conversation, you will often hear or see what is easily described as the 'Ah Ha!' moment, when previously seemingly unconnected thoughts, experiences and emotions come together to make sense of something, quite often in a surprisingly unseen way. This week, two seemingly unconnected events, coincided for me. The first, was simply an addition to my vocabulary courtesy of an interesting article on Linkedin. More on that later.
The second occasion was in the form of a deeply sad, powerfully moving and enriching experience. It was the state funeral of Anthony Foster, a gentle and friendly man whose sudden passing has sent shock waves throughout the world, who has since been described by words like 'giant' and a 'lion'. I was privileged to have known Anthony personally, as I am equally proud to know Chrissy, his wife, life partner and to all who know them, soulmate. What these people have endured is astounding. Their most important life work, was first borne from the agony in learning their two daughters had been systematically raped over many years by a paedophile 'priest'. Cruelly, the damage wreaked by these attacks was only followed by more tragedy when Emma, their eldest daughter took her own life, and Katie their middle child suffered a traffic accident sustaining permanent injuries that require 24 hour care, whilst trying to block out the pain with alcohol.
When seeking justice, these normal, everyday suburban parents soon discovered a depth of obstruction and collusion to cover up these heinous crimes which could only have seemed designed to make their already insufferable pain much worse. They found themselves up against a supposedly trusted institution, the Catholic church, whose leaders were and still are more devout in protecting assets and reputation, rather than taking responsibility for the crimes against countless innocent children, many for whom the pain was too heavy a burden, and only found peace by their own hand.
In their quest for justice for their family, the couple became a courageous yet methodical, articulate yet fierce and tough yet always empathetic force. Always with humility and complete absence of grandiose, they embodied qualities the church has so long denied its most vulnerable - giving a voice to the silenced, and giving hope where hopelessness had dwelt for so long. Together with intellect and driven by love for their family, they turned the course of Australian history. Their words and deeds allowed survivors of clerical child sexual abuse in Australia to finally begin to see chinks of the light of justice shining through the thick uncompromising stone walls of willful institutional dominance.
So now for a leap back to the article which is simply about a word that stood out for me throughout the days following Anthony's death. That word is Firgun - the Hebrew word for “the genuine, unselfish delight or pride in the accomplishment of another”. It describes an emotion for which there is no comparable word in English.
Clinical Psychologist Dr Keith Gaynor, describes "a sense of warmth that something good has happened for someone else. Whether it is babies being born, exams being completed, planning permission being achieved, we regularly feel great happiness for other people. We feel delighted."
There have been many other emotions, thoughts and imaginings of the last days, when reflecting on Anthony's life. He carried meaning for so many, seeking only the justice of truth, and in doing so gave for many the hope of a new day.
Thank you Anthony for all you have done, having the rare ability to channel such pain and anger into real protection for others children. And without knowing it thank you for the last little gift you gave me,Firgun, a word that encapsulates your life's meaning to me. Because as you said, words matter.